Pleasant surprises...

These two photos from the Santa Monica meetup have turned up. Very exciting! It was a very happy day for me! I love these. It's rare that I'll be like "hey! a photo of me! yay! that's quite good!"




Photos courtesy of Katiebean.

Lost and found...

Amidst packing and mentally preparing myself to venture to Canberra for prac, I'm writing this post, because I've been cryptic, and cranky, and that's just no fun for anyone, especially me.

Returning from the US was tricky. I had such a fantastic time meeting the Grannises, and all the extras who go along with them, and seeing Casey, and Missy, and my friends and family in North Carolina. But, I had it in my head that Boone (in North Carolina, where I went to high school) was some sort promised land, and that being back there would remind me of some kind of insane happiness I'd known from days past. I had a friendship I thought I'd fix after 2 years of distress and discouragement, and I had an old life that I thought would be the same. This didn't happen. None of that happened. So, while I had an excellent time in California, meeting some incredible people, and while I was so ridiculously happy to visit Indiana to see one of my dearest friends, Casey Adams, and also seeing the lovely Missy, something about the entire trip didn't quite sit right. I'll elaborate. Some thing(s) about being in Boone were not quite as I'd hoped, or planned. I didn't lie when I said that I love Boone. I DO love the High Country. I love being there, physically. It's a beautiful, beautiful place. Oddly, I was closest to some friends there who I wasn't incredibly close to in high school. I was furthest away from friends who I WAS incredibly close to in high school (with some exceptions of course.) I didn't fix the friendship I wanted to. I have closure about that, though. Being a rather obsessive person, I'm just kind of uncomfortable an inability to fix things. It's fine. It's done. I'm fine.

BUT, overall, the trip really was excellent. It reminded me of how fun the world is, even though there is lots of not-so-fun stuff happening. I saw a lot of people I love, a lot of people I admire, and I laughed. I laughed a lot.

There is nothing wrong with that. Except for, it's sort of hard to come home. I have a lot of joys here, too. They're very responsible joys, though, you know, like, a job (which I love more all the time), and a car, an (almost) degree, and teaching. But, I feel particularly less alive than I did when I was jetting around the world. Even tough goodbyes make life more authentic than the things I get up to around here. I guess this is the tricky part about being almost done with uni. No money. Almost a truckload of responsibilities knocking on my door step. Childhood not so far behind me, but, seemingly gone. It's just been an uncomfortable feeling. I'm generally not overly anxious, so, it hasn't been sitting right. There are also family things that I'm letting fly through my head (I shouldn't, but I am), and that's not helping either.

Plus, I really hope I made a good choice by deciding to do my internship in Canberra. Fingers crossed. SO, for the 'Lost and found'... All this built up to this story.

After going to Officeworks with Chelsea (a new girl from Butler (Casey and Missy's school), we headed back to uni to meet some friends for dinner at the dining hall. When I was at Officeworks, I'd bought a new plastic hardcase for my iPod touch, (wickedly expensive piece of equipment, and an extension of my arm), but it was the wrong kind, so I took it back. Amongst that, I thought I'd put my iPod back in my bag. Towards the end of my time in the line at the dining hall, I realised that the iPod wasn't in fact in my bag, so I quickly put my meal down on the table and ran out to the car, looking for it frantically, everywhere. It wasn't there. I was losing my mind. I went back inside, looking in the toilets, where we'd been only a few minutes before. I had Julez ask the staff, and the people around. I was sure that if anyone found it, they wouldn't turn it in. I would have turned it in, but, not everyone. So I'm looking, frantically, and imagining life without it. It's trivial. I know. It's materialistic, I know. But it was $500 only a year ago and I use it for several hours every day. Plus, I'm a stresshead.

So running back and forth between the car and the dining hall (in slippy flat shoes, I might add. I was dressed all swish because I went to lunch with the girls at Josef Chromy; very nice.) I was losing it. Julez was asking around and then came out to help me look in my car. I'm frantic, slamming the car door, and expressing great displeasure, when she announces that she has found it waaaay in the back seat, hidden. I grabbed it off her, relieved, and you'd think I'd be jumping for joy and everything would be fine, but, no. I burst into tears, not over the iPod, as such, but, I'd been pushed over the edge, and everything I've been ignoring, or, fighting for the past few months practically punched me in the face. I sat in the front seat of my car, crying (which I swear, never happens, unless I watch a sad TV show, or movie (oh yeah, did I tell you that I'm a sarcastic fool and never let my emotions get the better of me unless I, a) am watching a fictional world, or b) have lost it.) sooo.) Julez reminded me that I am human, and that I am allowed to do it, and, there we go. Done. Sad. Fine. Over.

I got plenty of cuddles with some King boys today, though, so, that made things infinitely better, and, you know, I'm gonna smash prac out of the park, just to spite my life...

(If you stuck around for that marathon of a read, congratulations.) xx.

News?

Maybe this isn't very newsworthy, but...

I have been doing a lot of thinking over the past few weeks about what I want to do next year. I might be crazy, but I'm thinking very seriously about returning to uni to do my masters (in Education, probably specialising in Literacy, I'd say).

I'm not ready to leave Tasmania. It's not a good time to look for teaching jobs in Tasmania, either. I also really like my job now, and don't want it to be over at the end of the year. Pretty much, they're credentials I want, and I don't want to wait, or, get caught in a fulltime job that'll hold me back, or, whatever.

Plus, when I do get a teaching job, I'll earn way more money! ;)

Alison Cosker, Perpetual Student.