A crash for my little Blue...

So, picture this... It's around 5:30 on New Year's Eve. Zoe calls, lost in Scottsdale, about to head over the sideling, when our house is in the complete opposite direction. After sorting out directions, and when Zoe's on the right road to get to our place, I decide to drive to the end of our road to meet her. She was driving from St. Helens, and not from Launceston, so, it's a different way, and, easily confusing. Anyway, I decide to go about 3 or 4 minutes further up the road and park outside the hall at Lietinna (between Blumont, where we live, and Scottsdale). Tegan and I are parked there for about 5 minutes before I see Zoe coming down the road, so, I pull out in front of her and lead the way. We turn off, across the train tracks, down my gravel road, and typically, the dirt clouds up behind my car. Anyway, I'm off down the road, Zoe behind, and everything is fine. The next thing I know, I've crossed the bridge with a little too much force, I suppose, and just after we cross the bridge (it's only a small concrete bridge, covering the creek that runs through the road) and my car skids to the right, and I quickly manage to get it back into control, I thought, but it was only for a second, when the whole car does a 180 turn to the right, and slides into the neighbours' barbed-wire fence. I pulled down about 5 metres of the fence, the barbed-wire scratching along the whole right hand side of my car, having no mercy on my car's pretty blue paint. The car stops, after what seems to be a lifetime of crashing and scratching, and I've been sprayed with dirt and grass, and my side mirror is shattered into about 20 pieces. Tegan, shocked, asks if I'm okay, and without answering, I jump out of the car, scream a few too many profanities, and walk about 15 steps into the paddock. I'm in my usual stressed pose, you know, the 'one hand scrunched through my hair in disbelief, the other, in a fist on my hip' pose, and I'm staring out into nothing, breathing deeply, furious at myself for being so foolish, with hundreds of thoughts running through my head. I realize this is all so dramatic! Ha! I can hear Zoe and Tegan talking behind me, they're standing around the car, assessing the damage, I assume, but I'm too angry to turn around and look. I do, eventually, walking back to the car to see that there's a bunch of barbed wire wrapped around my tow-ball, and the fence is still very much attached to my car. It's tight, and can't be pulled right off the tow-ball, so, thinking practically, in a "Oh, my goodness, I have to fix this, somehow", I say "I have to reverse my car. I have to get this fence off my car". They're trying to tell me to hold on, and that it can be unhooked. I know that it CAN'T be unhooked, so I reverse the car, and Zoe unhooks it.

Around this time last year, Zoe and I were at Woolworths in Sandy Bay, and a girl backed into Zoe's car in the carpark. I immediately went into 'hey, it's okay. Stay calm, it's alright' mode, and, I think it might have helped.

Zoe does the same, pointing out that all of the problems can be fixed. Tegan, in her own way, is trying to offer some particularly dramatic comfort, and that is NOT what I need. I, probably rather rudely, push her (not literally) away. I have not cried yet. I have been mad. I have yelled. I have sworn. I've worriedly deliberated. I have freaked out when I see the scratches all over my car. I have endangered my own life and the life of a friend (that's dramatic too. I wasn't driving recklessly. But, I am (although a very cautious driver) inexperienced in a crisis). But, I have not cried.

My grandfather, the one who gave me this car last Christmas, is sitting with my grandmother and family and friends on our deck. I know he's there. When I was 11 or 12, I threw a football through Ronnie's front window when we were living with them. He about killed me. I have no idea what his reaction will be to this. I call the house (after brushing a generous covering of dirt off my way-too-expensive mobile phone), and eventually get a hold of mum, telling her to go somewhere that Ronnie (grandfather) isn't. I tell her that I've crashed the car. She didn't believe me, at first, and then I tell her that I'm for real, and she needs to come to the paddock on our road to help me because I'm going to lose my mind. 'And Mum, please don't tell Ronnie.'

Mum and John show up. I'm sitting in the front seat of my car with the door open, looking at the broken mirror, and feeling like I'm downward spiraling into hell (also, very dramatic, I know, but I'm a kid, in many respects, and I felt stupid, and naive, and under prepared. But really, what prepares people for their first car crash?!) I hear my parents speak to Zoe and Tegan, asking them if anyone is hurt. No one is hurt. Zoe's talking about how she thought her eyes were playing tricks on her. After all, my car was there one minute, and gone the next. She about had a heart attack, until she saw me jump out of the car. She knows me very well, too, because, she didn't approach me, and I'm assuming she encouraged Tegan to do the same. Anyway, my mum comes over, and is about a million times more sympathetic and supportive than I expected. She asks if I'm alright and tells me to get out of the front seat so that she can drive the car home. I sit in the back and cry like a baby because I know that I am literally seconds away from having to face my grandfather.

We pull up to the house, and there are so many people around. I'm trying to compose myself. It's not working. A few people try to get me out of the car, including people that I don't really like. My dog, Lucy, jumps into the back seat and sits on my knee. How is that dogs know exactly what to do for their friends and families, and humans often haven't a clue!? My grandfather walks over to the car, and stands in front of the open back door. 'Come on. It's alright.' I stand up and lean into him as he puts his arm around my shoulders. 'I can't even look at you. I'm very sorry', I say. 'It's alright. I've done worse than this. You could have done way worse. You're okay. That's the main thing.' I'm a sniffling mess, of course, and I walk into the house, to wash my face.

After getting a cuddle from my mum in the kitchen, I, of course, ever the clown, walk back outside onto the deck and take a bow. 'Thank you', I say, laughing through a blotchy red face.

Of course, I was up and down about it the whole night. I copped a bit of playful teasing. I introduced my brother's band (who entertained us for the evening) as 'better than a good car accident; Running With Scissors, ladies and gentlemen'.

I need a new mirror and headlight for my car. There is some pretty harsh scratching and a few bruises on the front. But, I've organized some replacement parts, and I'm walking to a wreckers in Mowbray tomorrow (well, today, actually, it's 1:40 AM) to get them.

And, why would I give up a chance to be optimistic, hahaha. Here are a few things that could be considered good about the accident.

1. It drew attention to the fact that I desperately need new tyres (even though the baldness of the tyres is probably why I spun out in the first place).
2. There are usually about 150-200 cows in that paddock. If I had hit one (or more), my car would probably be totalled, and I would have seriously injured the cow, and probably Tegan, and most definitely myself.
3. My window was open. Although we copped a fair bit of dirt in the car (and I only vacuumed the dang thing about 2 weeks ago!!!), it's probably good that the window was open. If not, I'm fairly confident it would have smashed all over me.
4. I have learned a most valuable lesson and from now on, will go about 5 kilometres per hour down that God-forsaken road.
5. My first car accident was fairly mild, and scared the hell out of me. Most people will have a first car accident, and some of them will be pretty horrendous. I am going to be even more cautious from now on.
6. I am missing my independence like crazy. I will definitely not take the car for granted, even if a little scratched.

I wrote this post in present-tense, to relive it, I suppose, because I haven't really thought about it in detail too much. I'm looking forward to being back on the road again. I know that this probably makes me seem like I'm a total idiot, and I promise, I'm more than cautious and responsible on the road, especially in town, in traffic. I had Darcy in my car a few months ago. Devin, (naturally) had his insecurities about me having Darcy in the car. After all, I'd only had my licence for a few months. I promised that I was a safe driver. I just, don't want anyone to have any reason to feel unsafe being in my car with me. That's the thing that has probably rocked me the most about this. Our gravel road is not in good shape. I should sue the council!

Anna, unless you don't want me to, I'm still set to pick you up from the airport on the weekend! I will have four new tyres, a new light, and a new mirror! :)

Oh, and I'm sorry that my first post in a while is such a downer!