I'm taking risks here that no one dared...

I wonder what I was thinking about there...
There aren't many photos of myself where I'm like "that's good!!!" I think most people are like that. But, in this photo, my hair is particularly shiny and orange and although Summer Heights High has made gingerness even worse than it already was, I like it here. My skin also looks very young.

But, do you ever go back to a photo from a few years back and just think "goodness me.. that was so long ago".. When, you know, really, 3 years isn't so long. I guess it's easy to be unsure between "that feels like yesterday", and "so much has happened since then, that was years ago". Can it be both? I think it can.

I wasn't even at uni when that photo was taken! It was in between college and uni during the summer.

I was probably talking to Sally. That's another way I know it was a long time ago. (Passive agressive much?)

I went on itunes the other night and bought some great music. The new Gavin DeGraw album is rather spectacular and has some nice versions of some of his older songs which were never officially released on an album (She Holds a Key, We Belong Together, etc).

Tomorrow, Kate, Gerard and I are going to Melbourne for a week to see Dad and Jake. That'll be nice. It's kinda cool because it's the first time that Dad will have all of his kids together. The last time I was with Dad, Kate and Gerard, I was in 7th grade. Jake wasn't even a twinkle in anyone's eye, and the three of us were just kids. A lot has happened since then. I've done a lot of work to be ready to move forward with my dad, so, that's good. It's positive. We're all pretty keen to go, but, I think a lot of that is just "get-the-heck-outta-[dodge]-Launceston" fever.

Speaking of, I'm hoping to get to the States in November for a few months. That'd be spectacular. I hope to travel a little more than I did before: I'd like to spend some time in California again, and obviously go to Wilmington again, but I HAVE to go to New York City, and I'd like to go back to DC, and one of my very dearest friends, Melissa, is now in Colorado, so I am going to go and spend some time with her too. I better start working (at HJ's. Egh) more.

The Collins family has an extra I haven't met too, and some of my friends from high school have had babies aswell, so I am also excited about that!

There's also a real feeling of getting back in touch with my faith and my God and being in a place that has never really failed to get me excited about being a most loved child of God. So, that's at the top of the list of reasons for my trek.

I snuck in and visited the kids yesterday. They all gasped and screamed "Miss Cosker!!!" It was nice. I miss them already.

Anyway, bed time. Big day tomorrow.

Think big things.

For the glory of it all...

This is out on the road to our place (my parents' house) near Scottsdale, Tasmania.

Somedays over the summer I tried really hard to get a perfect shot of the sunset, and this is as close as I got, but I think I learned more from the Voice in my head which told me that I could just BE there instead of trying to capture it. I would remember more of the feelings of being amongst the glory of God than I would capturing a photo.

But, had I not taken this photo, would I be writing about this now? I don't know.

But, that night, the night I took this photo, I got in touch with a side of God I hadn't been in touch with for too long a time.

And, that's the important part.

That's the glory of it all. That the world He created would bring me back everytime. That even though all the mess we've made, and all the fighting, and all the hurt, and famine, and waste, and human destruction, that there would still be a little corner of the world in North East Tasmania that would (although smelling rather strongly of cow manure) capture my heart and soul and send me back to where I needed to be before I spiraled to a place I don't understand, but know too well.

I finished prac yesterday. I'll miss the kids. They all wrote lovely letters telling me that I'm the best teacher in the world. I'm not. But, it's nice to hear someone say that.

I got home and went to bed at 6pm last night and woke up at 3am feeling very energized. I went back to sleep at 5 until about 9 something when my darling best friend (haha) Zoe messaged me saying "I know you're asleep, but"... I wasn't really asleep, but, it seems like she would do that just to wake me up. She'll get hers.

Anyway.

Bed time. Or, maybe I'll watch the Gilmore girls series finale. I feel like doing that. Goodnight.

Be good! Be still. Remember where you are and find something beautiful to take you where you need to be in your head.

And I intend to hold you for the longest time...

How awesome it would be to be 80some years old and walk the streets of Paris (pictured, but.. anywhere, really) hand in hand with a husband of many, many years.

I totally believe that God has a person for every person who is meant to be married. Some people aren't meant to be married. But, for those who are, there is one. And, I'm not booming with confidence by any means in the department of relationships, but, I feel safe in my feeling that God knows who this guy is, and that one day, he'll show, and that'll be it for both of us. And until that day and every day after that, I'm his, even though now, I don't even know his name, (or, maybe I do.. I don't know if I know). I don't want to put myself through the drama that comes with relationships which are for "fun", or, for "pleasure", or "dates". I'll wait for whoever's forever, and as trying as that can be, I'm more than happy for that to be so.

I can't wait for tomorrow to be over. I'm coming home and going to bed tomorrow afternoon, and that will be BLISSFUL.

But until then, I have work to do. As much as I enjoy my blog, I am not getting anything school-related done by sitting here writing it. So. I'm off.

Goodnight. Be good.

And the beauty you have now is brighter than before...

It's gotta be this one
You don't have to fake it
You know I can take it

What if I told you your tears haven't been ignored?
And everything that was taken can be restored?

Feel this
Can you feel this?
My heart beating out of my chest?

Feel this
Can you feel this?
Salvation under my breath

It's gotta be just right
The soul and the spirit
The chord and the lyric

What if I told you that innocence is yours?
And the beauty you have now is brighter than before? Before

Feel this
Can you feel this?
My heart beating out of my chest?

Feel this
Can you feel this?
Salvation under my breath (...feel my soul...)
Let go
Let go and believe
Let go
Let go and believe
Feel this...


SO! Bethany Joy (only my favourite person EVER) (person who I don't know, I guess) and most spectacular musician, and actress on my favourite show, is doing a cover of Enation's 'Feel This'. It's linked in to OTH and it's great exposure for Enation and an absolute delight for die hard Joy fans like me, who would kill a puppy for new Joy music.

Fortunately, I didn't have to kill a puppy. Haley's music career is on track, Joy's is back on track, and Enation gets featured on a nationally aired TV show. It's a Win, Win.. Win. Thank you, Pam.

Maybe you'd think that this girl doesn't get any better, but she does. She does. Every. Single. Time.

Her [very handsome] husband Michael Galeotti is the keyboardist for Enation. How cute it is that they got to work together! :) I am just so over the moon about this entire thing that it mightn't hurt so much when the finale ends and I have to wait 4 months for a new episode.

In other news:

I have 7 days left of student teaching for this year. I finish next Friday and will be on break for 7 weeks. Hell. Yes.

Also: I have big plans to return to the States in November for 3 months. That'd be great. I'd make it right, this time, too.

The friendship backsliding into hell is not changing, and that is awful. I hope that changes soon. No specifics. It's no one's deal but mine and hers (but, not even hers, apparently), but, I'll keep you posted, faithful readers (all 0 of you).

Can you feel this? Yes.

My heart is BEATING OUT OF MY CHEST with excitement about this Enation/BJG combo. Perfecto, as the Galeotti ancestors might say.. Ha.

Be good. Think big.

I'll do anything for you.

My boss at work (who isn't always the easiest guy to get along with) is being super nice and really understanding about me being on prac at the moment. I guess when one is reliable and honest and all that, people tend to respond positively when one needs a little understanding. It doesn't go unappreciated, and I made sure to tell him that.

Yesterday was an awful day. I am still on prac, of course (the end is almost in sight with 2 weeks to go) and the kids were just being ridiculous yesterday afternoon. I'm too tired to get anything done at night and my teacher is lovely but subtly suggesting that I get myself organized. I'm making great progress though, and she's been telling me that, so I appreciate that. I'm doing okay. The exhaustion is getting to me, and I swear, as soon as I'm off prac, I'm going to sleep for a week.

I connected with some kids this week who I hadn't yet connected with, so that's really wonderful. Some kids have a tendency to sort of just go under the radar a little bit, but once you can find something in common, it makes all the difference. There's a girl in my class who is hilarious, and she's very animated and knows exactly when to say all the right things. I'm not so humble in saying that she is me at 9 years old. Yesterday, she was one of the last to be let out for recess, because I wanted to have a quick chat with her. Basically, it went like this. "******, I think you're excellent. You're hilarious, and you have lots of... drama, about you, and I know you enjoy being funny. You know how to make people laugh, and you're a little silly, and I love it. I understand how you feel because I was exactly the same way, and I still am, but just a minute ago, you were distracting others from their learning. So, it's really important that you remember that there's a time and a place."

How did I know exactly what to say to her? I was probably given that speech a hundred times in primary school. And, all of a sudden, I know exactly how my teachers felt. It's EASY to be pissed off at the kids who are rude and obnoxious and distract everyone in the class, but talk about being in limbo about how to feel when the funniest little girl in the class is making everyone laugh about something that I had to bite my tongue and not laugh myself.

Until this week, she and I hadn't really even talked. So. That's news in Alison's teaching.

Otherwise: I'm having an uphill battle about whether or not I should move on from a friendship which is backsliding into the fires of friendship hell. If only I knew if I had a reason to fight for it. I feel like, maybe, just maybe, it's still there, and that she's stuck in some way too. I'm stuck in that there is nothing I can do, and.. maybe.. she can't. I don't know. But, I'm losing my will. And I never thought that day would come. I become very invested in the friendships I care about, and if they're lost, I'm lost. That's cliche. But. It's true.

Mothers Day is tomorrow. I decided not to go home and instead, mum and I are going to do something on Monday afternoon after we finish work. That'll be good. I have not had a spare minute to go and buy her anything yet either. Anyway.

Think big things.